June 2023 – John D Reinhart

All Right, Something Else…

Hey, here’s another idea. Something New, Totally New, and it won’t cost a dime and it’ll make big bucks and, hey, where’re you going?

If you’ve been following the Saga of Me, you know I’m still waiiiiiiting for my beloved editor wife to read my lovely novel. It’s been three months. Come on. I wrote it in less time… just kidding. She’s been arduously studying for, and actually passed, some big human resources qualification dealio, and I am in fact super impressed and super proud of her. I’d be even more so if she read my book…

Whilst waiting, I’ve come up with a number of ideas, most dumb, some good, of how to further my writing career whilst waiting. Because waiting is what I do. A lot of. Wait. Like a Disney movie: wait, what?

So, this is it: California Air Museums. Wait, what?

I have a keen interest in aviation, don’t you know. So, who wouldn’t be interested in a website wherein the author (mois), visits and reviews the aircraft in the aviation museums here in the Golden State?

But wait, there’s more. Howzabout said author writes a touristy sort of review for the local tourist magazine, like The 805 Eats, or something, in the town of which is where the museum is. In. And makes a nickel for the review, thank you very much.

Wait, what? Makes a nickel?

Howzabout this: said author also writes a review with a more aviationary feel for the aviation-minded magazines, like Me and My Airplane, or something. And makes another nickel for that piece.

That’s two nickels plus a website post from just one visit. And California has 65 museums! Wait, what? That’s, like, maybe fifteen bucks in nickels!

All of this reviewing, etc., however, is aimed at what said author is really working on, which is a coffee-table book called… wait for it… wait a little longer… pause for effect… California Air Museums! Huh? Right? Ya with me?

My camera takes pretty good pics, so I’ve got that part covered.

And I’m building a database of the kinds of airplanes one might find in said museums, so it’s kind of like the website will be a resource. Yeah? High-five! Down low…

Wait, what?

This is not a project – it’s a career! All of this, all, to sell my book. Well, actually to get my name out there into the larger world at large so that, when my book finally gets approved by my lovely editor wife, publishers will be clamoring to get the rights.

Wake up, you’re dreaming again! Wait, what?

Best Not to Visualize

Whilst waiting and waiting for my notes to arrive on the new book, I took to 3D modeling the cast of characters. Big mistake.

You’re a writer – you know how it goes. You work so hard at creating a mental image of your characters, you always wonder what it would be like to actually see them.

I’ve got this goofy software that lets you create 3D models. Actually, it creates the model, starting with a base figure, and lets you customize the physical attributes.

Whilst a’waitin’ for mah notes, I thought I might just sorta mock up a book cover that has the whole cast in it. Ehhhh. Bad choice.

In the mind’s eye, the big guy is a giant – he’s huge, like a bear. When you go to cast a person like that, however… that’s a different story. He’s the guy on the right.

One of my characters is perpetually drunk – it’s not his fault. He is having a rough night in the tavern. Having drunk too much ale and run out of money, he gambles away a grimoire, a book of magic spells. Throughout the rest of the story, whenever anyone opens the book, it calls this poor fellow straight from his table at the tavern to wherever the book is in space and time. Worse, when the book’s done with him, he get put back, right there in the tavern, until the it’s opened again.

The other characters have this big adventure with the grimoire, but for him, it’s just one long, inebriated night. He’s the guy on the left. He looks like a little kid!

The old wizard, Shelburne, looks like a Martian in this image.

And let us not discuss the pants on Penrose, my main character, there in the center. I chose them because they’re knickers, and seem vaguely Elizabethan. But they’re meant to fit a huntress, and simply look… go ahead and say it… stupid with two o’s.

The kid and the girl came out all right, and the fellow in front of the giant is supposed to be a 10th Century prince – he looks okay. The girl is from that same time, but looks more like you’d meet her at the mall.

Emminy-way… you know who loses the argument, right? The first one to say “anyway…”

Anyway, I rendered these super quickly – so quickly that you can see the green-screen around the prince and princess. eh.

When the book is published, oh, this shall be a lovely cover, for certain.

For now? Best not to visualize…

Nothin’ Doin’

You ever have one of those days when you don’t wanna do nothin’?

I had to go to the doctor’s this morning. He’s a good guy, but after hearing my tale of woes, he kinda split. “Uh, the receptionist will take care of you…”

After I finally dragged my draggin’ carcass into work, I found out that nobody… noooooo body… was happy with the 3D renders I’d made. Nobody. Show of hands, happy with the renders? Crickets.

Had to fool with danged renders all stinkin’ afternoon. I hate them, and I believe the feeling is mutual.

Finally made it through the door – the promised notes from my reader still haven’t come – and my wonderful wife is sequestered away, taking an online test.

Not the test for which she’s been studying all this time and, once completed, she’ll have all the time in the world to read my book, give it her blessing so that I can send it off and find a literary agent and a publisher and become rich and famous and be known as the author John D Reinhart, such that people in restaurants whisper “did you see him? That was the author John D Reinhart!”

Nope. Some other test.

But.

But one little ray of sunshine crept through it all. One bright little beam that said “hey, wanna play?”

And then she licked my nose, and somehow it turned out to be a pretty good day for the author John D Reinhart.

Crazy Talk Lives!

You know me – caterwauling about every. little. thing.

But, hey – great news!

Great!

Crazy Talk 8, the fun and insane lipsync software from Reallusion, isn’t as dead as I thought! It just doesn’t work in Windows 11. Ten, yo! Eleven, not so!

What does that mean?

That means you can do silly stuff like this: Who Ate THE FISH?

Yeah, it’s clunky, and kinda stooopid, but I gotta do something while waiting and waiting and waiting for my book to get read, don’t I?

Oh – I have news on that score, I think. I’ll let you know!

Thanks for following along!

Writing the Hard Stuff

I’m terrible at transitions, you know, moving characters from scene to scene. My wife the editor tells me so all the time. Maybe I’m bad at them because I just plain hate writing them.

You’re a writer, you know how it is. There’s always something your just not good at writing, and typing it out is always a painful chore.

For me, it’s the laborious task of getting characters from here to there so that they can meet up with each other. It takes so long and is so hard to not write a transition scene that is empty-headed and shallow because really it’s not a scene at all. It’s just movement.

I read a piece of e-fiction this week that has a great story. You could tell the author was having a blast.

But to get to the actual story, you had to wade through pages of uninteresting setup, with throw-away characters and dull, half-hearted descriptions. You could so easily tell that the author didn’t enjoy writing that part, but felt it had to be in the book. You can hear him whispering “don’t worry, the good parts are really good!”

You and I are writing in a time much like that of William Shakespeare. In his day, there were no mega-publishers. Just small-time patrons to help you sell your work.

Most of the publishing and the selling was done by you.

And won’t you now take a look at the online marketplace for books? Are you not writing posts on your blog to sell your book?

Is it not the same, Iago?

I mention that because of this e-fiction I read.

This author published his book, hoping you’d see past the heartless parts and enjoy what he really wanted you to read.

Like dancing with a wooden leg, I ask you to watch my arms and my torso and my good leg and enjoy the show. Wooden leg? Oh, just ignore that.

I suck so completely at writing transition scenes that my wife the editor told me to stop trying.

“You’re no good at them, and they ruin the flow of the story.”

So, I quit writing transition scenes, and my story is muuuuuuch better. The new novel, which is waiting to be read by a certain my-wife-the-editor, has none. Zero.

He braved the dark and frightening alleyway, his heart in his throat, finally breathing a sigh of deep relief as he entered the warm, cheerful pub. See? No long description. Just get him in there!

Better yet, ignore the transition altogether and start the scene with the character in the pub. He can explain the transition in dialog: “Oh, I came down the alleyway – a dark and frightening bit of roadwork was that!”

No transition. No hard, stupid scene. Bye bye.

If it’s painful for you to write, you can believe that it’s painful for your reader, too.

I enjoyed the e-fiction, and so entirely hope this author writes another.

And, although I haven’t said it before, I truly do thank you from the very bottom of my heart for following me!