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If You Follow Me, Follow Me!
Hey – you’re a writer, you know how it goes. You follow other writers in hopes that they’ll follow you and together you’ll build a community of writers. In that same vein, if you’ve been following my stuff on WordPress.com, you’ll know that I’ve been here on WordPress for, like, 15 years! Well, with the…
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Adding Eggs to the Basket
You’re a writer, you know how it goes. Nobody reads your stuff – unless people do, and then you’re not reading this because you’re busy having your stuff read. As I mature (like wine and cheese, not like milk and fish left on the counter a little too long), I’ve come to understand that maybe…
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A Mote Smikey Out There
You’re a writer, you know how it goes. A book you’ve thought about writing won’t leave you alone. You think about it all the time, and you think, man, I should just sit down and write it. See, thing is, I DID write it. I published it myself last year, before I moved here to…
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We’re All Aphids
Think about plankton – not Plankton, Mr. Krab’s Spongebob nemesis – the real stuff, adrift out there in the wide, wide, wide, wide sea. Plankton is a plant that converts sunlight and nutrients or other, creepier stuff, into energy that it converts to matter to become, well, plankton. So, what IS plankton, in the grand…
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Cap’n Blackthumb Uncovers a Plot Most Foul
A thick, steamy afternoon, a stubborn 3D printer, and one offhand Google article about plant intelligence — and suddenly the whole paradigm flips. Cap’n Blackthumb has uncovered the longest-running conspiracy in human history, and it’s growing right over your bookcase.
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The Duck is Loose
Someone once told me that the most difficult argument is with a stupid person who happens to be right. I knew I’d win that one right off. So, as is nothing new, I’m having an existential crisis. Holy goose is loose, Batman! My alter ego is a jerk! I’ve never liked superheroes. Adam West’s Batman…
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Beware the Wilted Frog
Did you ever wonder why laptops don’t fit in your lap? Or why you don’t have the kind of lap into which the laptop will fit? Is it the design of the thing, or you the defective one? I’m writing this on the pricey little tablet my wife bought at Costco for me. What doesn’t…
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How to Scare Yourself
You’re a writer – y0u know how it goes. Sometimes you create something that, well, sorta give you the heebidy-jeebies. Stephen King once said he knew his description was too gross if he felt like throwing up on his keyboard. Yum. So, as you know, or maybe not – I can’t keep up anymore –…
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Dancing with the Fishes
You’re a business tycoon, you know how it goes. Deals here, offers there, and that constant, nagging question of where to put all this money? It’s always about stowing the cash, isn’t it? What do ya do, buy another bank? Invest in Squishmellows, or whatever those things they sell at Costco are… Costco – don’t…
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Two on the Three of Life
What was the name of that astrophysicist who, just before he got fired, said reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars? You can call me dumb – trust me, you’re in good company – but I’ve had a revelation. I’ve been playing Solitaire on my phone. Playing as in totally addicted. Like…
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One Hot Day
It’s a blistering hot Wednesday morning. It’s so hot nobody, absolutely no one, not the criminals or the cops or anyone in between, will dare to go outside. Birds are like “skip this,” and most of the lawns in town have simply rolled themselves up to hide from the blistering sunshine. Over on Main Street,…
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Don’t Tell My AI
Keep this under you’re hat – if you don’t have a hat, go out and buy one and then come back and put this under it. Don’t worry, we’ll wait… You’re a writer, right? Your whole job is to write stuff that has meaning and purpose, so that the world is a better informed place,…
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The Adages of Terror
You’re a writer – you know how it goes. You spend the minutes and hours and days of your life writing something somebody will read, someday. Maybe that someday is today, or tomorrow! Maybe! Because, you know, winners never quit, right? And quitters never win, so… Sooo… what about the guy who is building that…
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Because Clouds Aren’t Clouds
You’re no dummy. You’re a writer, and although stupid people can write, well, now, there’s no way I can actually finish that sentence, can I? So, suffice it to say, you yourself ain’t no dimwit, but are far from being the dimmest light in the socket. The concept I’m about to share with you has…
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Curse the Inky Poo!
If you subscribe to my sister site, Skippity Whistles, I do apologize for the deluge. It’s not pretty, I know. But there’s an explanation, I promise! If you’re freaked out by AI and thinking maybe it’s takin’ your job, you are not alone. Looking at the Google newsfeed (a mistake by itself) easily half of…
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The Lure of the Santa Maria
You’re a writer – you know how it goes. You want to do your research accurately, right? So you spend a week in the Taiga, freezing your keester off. Or maybe it’s a story that takes place in the NYC subway tunnels, so you, like, hide out down there for a week with the mole…
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An Intrepid Trek
You’re a writer. Writing is what you do. Here’s my advice: stick to that. Don’t try to build a media empire – just plain write like you mean it. Earlier this year I got the opportunity to visit the Intrepid Museum in New York City with the fam. As you know, or perhaps didn’t but…
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A Maelstrom of Confusion
You’re a writer – you know when you’ve goofed up something in your story – wait, how DID that guy know what time it was? Of course you scramble back to work to somehow give that guy a watch or a view of the clocktower or something, right? Even the greats sometimes miss it. In…
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Trust the Story Teller
You’re a writer, you know how it goes. You’ve got a million ideas in your head – story lines, plot twists, character quirks – all waiting to hit the page one of these days. They’re like bubbles in a stew – a thick, rich stew redolent with bits and pieces of brilliant bones and perfect…
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I See Icy Things
You’re a writer – you know how it is. You look out the window and see the same old thing every day. Some days it’s cloudy, some days it’s not. But it’s the same. You get comfortable with it. The view out your window is part of your routine. Yes, well. Scratch that. The house…
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Hitting Pause Again
Nobody tells you anything about anything, am I right? I mean, I asked for free advice from somebody who didn’t know anything and got a ton, but it was all, like, useless. I’m actually kinda ticked… Here’s something you didn’t know, I’ll bet. Or maybe you did know, and I am the one who doesn’t…
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Moving Part 3: The Pod
In writing an article, the number one, single most important, top of the to-do list thing to do is find an angle for the story. Usually it’s the lead sentence that sets up the rest of the piece. It turns out that the same thing applies when you’re moving: How are you gonna frame this…
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Moving Part 2: Hanging Around
Few things are more exciting than moving. Having a root canal. Brain surgery comes to mind. Taking a road trip with the in-laws that you just don’t like. In our grand move across the country, we’ve had to “spruce up” our fine old house of 30 years. Now, sprucing up can be a relative term.…
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Moving Part 1: Chuck It
You’re a writer – you know how it goes. You engineer plot twists and plot points and introduce characters to flip things around, all with the goal of moving the story along. You want your reader to keep turning pages right? The last thing you expect is for this kind of plot twist, this kind…
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Hoisting Anchor, Mate
You’re a writer, you know how it goes. A project gets into your bones and the world just seems to conform around it. Wow, I wish I knew what that meant. Since last we talked, a multiplicity of whoop-dee-doos have collaborated to turn my life into a whirlwind of chaotic synchronicities. Not sure what that…
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On Getting Rich Quick
There is nothing quite so calming as watching Jackie and Shadow, Sunny and Gizmo hanging out in their nest above Big Bear Lake. Mom and Dad, baby and baby bald eagles, quietly living life and doing their thing while thousands of us watch them on a secret camera. I’m sure the aliens are doing the…
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This Writer’s House – Why Writer’s Shouldn’t Talk
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Why Writers Shouldn’t Talk
Hey, hello! Thanks for reading along! What follows this paragraph is the transcript from a video I shot today – it will be a podcast pretty soon. What’s cool about it is that the transcription process worked… you’ll see. I shot the video and then transcribed the audio at a place called TurboScribe. You get…
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Walking the Night
The nifty thing about video is that you can make a pratfall without actually taking one… there comes an age where that’s a real bonus! I was goofing around with my cell phone, shooting the full moon through some trees, and out popped this dopey video. Now, there’s a writer’s story in this little 16-second…
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Yessss, Your Majesty
You know the writing biz, right? Like any other biz, it’s all about marketing, networking, and growing the brand. Funny you’d mention brand. I had a very lovely, very informative online chat over at LinkedIn this morning with a person I only just met today. She inspired me to think again about this career we…
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A Marvelous Name
You know how the world is, right? What you call your story is almost as important as the story itself, am I right? I mean, who will ever shell out $29.95 for a book call “Stupid.” It would have to have some pretty good reviews… I don’t know what I’m talking about. I can prove…
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Back to the Front
Okay, what is it now? What preposterous, outlandishly wacky idea is sure to make a gazillion simoleans this time? Don’t get me started! I had a revelation last week – something that just never occurred to me before in all my born years. You’re a writer, right? You know how it goes – everybody’s a…
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Too Much Free Time
Sometimes free time can be the best of times. Other times, too much free time can trick you into turning out turduckens like this little treasure! My darling bride remains in NJ, although rumor has it she’s soon to wing her way back to the West, and none too soon, if this video is any…
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Where the Little Cars Roam
Where the Little Cars Roam… Sounds like Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Roam, except the words are different. That’s kind of like saying Star Wars is like Titanic, only the stories are different. Well, there it is. I met a very pleasant young woman this weekend – she sold me my new washing machine.…
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Mr. Nolan, You Insult Me, Sir
If you’re sitting at the car dealer, ready to put money down on that snappy red sports car and another you walks in the door and tells you that he’s from the future and you should instead buy the gray sedan because that way you’ll invent a time machine, don’t you believe him. There’s been…
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Cooler Heads
Following up on yesterday’s fearful diatribe, let’s us think for a minute, you and me. IF the aliens use this hydrogen technology for fuel, they can’t be using a lot of seawater. All they use is a single hydrogen proton at a time. Seriously, how much water do they need, when, like, a teaspoon will…
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I Have No Crackers
You know me, right? I like funny stuff, and writerly stories and stuff like that, right? Well, I just had the crackers scared right out of me. Right out. I just finished reading Luis Elizondo’s book Imminent, you see. It’s about UFOs, although they are now called unidentified anomalous phenomena, or UAP. They changed the…
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Lost in a 3D Purgatory
I would say “3D Hell” but I saw Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this week, and much prefer their version of H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks (because I won’t write hell.) These times, they are a’changin’, and not so much in a way that you’d kind of expect. My office is actually my bedroom, well, our bedroom, but it’s my office. Well,…
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Trying to Talk about the Ocean
It’s been a minute, I know, since I last wrote about anything serious. I know, I get it. But my wife’s left me for a baby – a grandkid on the other side of the country. She’ll be back next week, after leaving me to my own devices for a week and a few days.…
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The Thing I Missed
You know how it is, when you’re on a date, and the person on the other side of the breadsticks has that certain something that drives you to ask more and more questions because you don’t really care what they’re talking about, just that they’re talking? It’s the sound of their voice – the way…
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Okabus Dokus
It’s a little known fact that the old Latin term for “okey-dokey” was okabus dokus. Look it up. What did the serving girl say to Julius Caesar when he asked her to get more grapes? I’m telling you, it’s a thing. Or, maybe not. I met with some old friends today that I haven’t seen…
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I can’t Afford to Drown
Once upon a time, in what could only have been a former life, I drowned. I don’t think it was this life, because, well… My wife and I went sailing with my college-graduate daughter today. She teaches at a city-run sailing and kayaking camp and has weekend access to the sailboats they use during the…
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I can’t Afford to Drown
Once upon a time, in what could only have been a former life, I drowned. I don’t think it was this life, because, well… My wife and I went sailing with my college-graduate daughter today. She teaches at a city-run sailing and kayaking camp and has weekend access to the sailboats they use during the…
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Kate Capshaw in the 80s
So it’s 4:11 AM on Friday and I can’t sleep because of this cold and I’ve just finished drinking my tea with a little honey and a little lemon and a big dose of bourbon because I sound like Orson Welles after smoking a carton of Marlboros, and suddenly the floor falls away. Although I’m…
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Secret Query Intel
You gotta keep this on the down-low, the ixnay to anybody, you didn’t hear this from me. But. My wife heard from the lovely sister-in-law (she read Adventures of a Sawdust Man a loooong time ago, in case you haven’t kept up with The Saga of Me), who has been inspired to begin her own…
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Fred Flintstone Calling
I’ve got this great idea, see. All’s ya gotsta do is get everybody in Uruguay to visit your site just once – they don’t even need to linger. That’s over 3.4 million views! Man, you are gonna rake in the dough! So, the deal with Fred Flintstone – if you’re too young to know –…
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A Shift of Wit
You’re a writer – you know how it goes. You push and pull and shove your story into a nice straight line, solving problems and ironing out the bumps. And then a character pops up, and the whole thing goes to heck! So, if you’ve followed along in The Story of Me, you’ll recall that…
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Episode 10: Forget About Me…No, Wait!
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Forget About Me…No, Wait…
Recently, I’ve been dealing with my actor past, trying to figure out why my face isn’t on billboards, and why I get notes from my bank that begin with “ahem…” And then I remembered, like waking up from some dream all of a sudden, that I’m NOT AN ACTOR! The memory reminded that, once upon…
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Episode 9 – Seeking Permission
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