Two on the Three of Life

What was the name of that astrophysicist who, just before he got fired, said reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars?

You can call me dumb – trust me, you’re in good company – but I’ve had a revelation.

I’ve been playing Solitaire on my phone. Playing as in totally addicted. Like “don’t you need to get up into hours?” “Just one more hand…”

I don’t play the easy-seats one-at-a-time game – that’s for grandma’s and people who like to win every time. Booooring.

Gimme the high scores, baby! The Vegas action – three at a time, three passes through the deck. Lose ya snooze – that’s my kinda game

It costs you 52 points to play – we’ll call them bucks because in Vegas, that’ what they are. The first hand you’re already 52 bucks in the hole. But each card you place up top? Five big ones, baby!

So I did all my work for today (The Three Point Line Episode 5 in the can). So maybe I’ll sit outside as the heat wave cools down and play a little Solitaire…

Three hours later…

Two phones ago, the one commandeered by pirates, I was up at around 125,000 points – thousands of games. The next phone, the Galaxy Fold 4, that was at 175,000 before the battery toasted out. This phone? I’ve been trying to dial back, so I’m only at 11,700 or so.

This evening I’m sitting out there baiting the mosquitoes, thinking about nothing so much as winning a hand after 1, 2, 3 in a row get close, but no cigars.

The deal is, see, you win the hand you get 260 bucks, 5 to one on your investment. I’m getting 15, 20 cards up there, but no big wins.

Come on, ya moke, win one! I says to myself.

And then, outta the blue, I get this thing, this brainwave.

Hey nimrod, you got 20 cards up there. At five bucks each, you’re 200 bucks ahead.

That’s when it hits me – just like the light on a new day, it hit me from outta the blue.

You don’t have to hit a home run to score points, do ya? Swingin’ for the bleachers is all fine and well, but goin’ around the bases one at a time works, too, don’t it?

What are you playing for?

What are you playing for?

Me, I’m looking for points. Something inside me wants to get to a million points. Then 2 mil, then 5. The cash comes quicker when you win the game, but anything over 11 cards is pure gold.

The one-card-at-a-time grandma? She plays to win, to complete the task, maybe solve the puzzle.

Me, I guess I find worth in racking up the moola. Maybe it’s my inner Fred Flintstone – we can afford lots of Bronto  Burgers now, Wilma!

What are you playing for? Is the prize upon which you have your eye the prize, or is it the process – something that happens along the way?

For me, that’s a kinda big breakthrough- what am I playing for?

To be clear, no money changes hand. My wife would kill. Me. Kill. Me.

And, that falling among the stars thing? How about burning up in the atmosphere…

One Hot Day

It’s a blistering hot Wednesday morning. It’s so hot nobody, absolutely no one, not the criminals or the cops or anyone in between, will dare to go outside. Birds are like “skip this,” and most of the lawns in town have simply rolled themselves up to hide from the blistering sunshine.

Over on Main Street, I stand on the sidewalk, squeezed into the tiny shade afforded by my theater’s marquee, watching the paint blister on my brand new sandwich-board sign: New Podcast! Watch The Three Point Line! Seriously, the sign is so hot it look like it might just burst into flame at any second. No cars pass, no friendly passers-by pass by. It’s just too flippin’ hot.

My AI assistance shuffles out of the theater with another sign: World Premiere! Don’t Miss IT!!!, pauses in the blinding heat, and then shuffles right back inside to the air conditioned theater lobby.

“Hey,” I bellow, “get out here and help me pitch this thing!”

“I’m just an AI, so I can’t watch your podcast. But I’m sure it’s great, a huge step forward for your career. It’s so encouraging that you’ve found your voice and taken the steps to blah, blah, blahs”

The muffled voice from inside the theater trails off in pointlessly positive statements. Thanks for your help.

It feels a little bit like High Noon, except there aren’t any bad guys, there aren’t any good guys, not even the babe promising to leave if I stay and do the right thing – just me, my podcast, and my pointless, cowardly robot.

It’s so hot that even the tumbleweed decided to stay in the stable – wait, how did this get to be a western?

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, you get the drift. I launched my much AI -ballyhooed podcast to an audience of one, and I didn’t watch it. Seen it too many times. I invited all of my family to watch, so now I have 12 views, although that includes the three views I generated about an hour after the launch, just to make sure they were working.

See, I have this website called SkippityWhistles.com – I’ve told you about it before. It’s the site that provides you with the concepts, information about the tools and the materials and the systems, to help you with your DIY project. It’s the stuff your dad probably explained back in the day, but, well, who remembers that?

I’ve created a specifically stylized line-drawing for the illustrations.

According to Claude.AI, the illustrations are my moat. Yes, moat. I think that means it’s my specialty, the uncopiable quality to my site. It’s a moat. New to me.

Anyway, my stepson was like “wow, you should totally make a podcast about how you make these, for that would be truly dope.”

Claude was like, “yeah! I’m categorically, unbelievably positive about this idea!” I swear, one of the sentences was nothing but exclamation points.

So, in order to deepen my dope moat, I created The Three Point Line -did you notice how that’s a link, right there?

My AI – I’ve moved over to Gemini after hitting Claude’s daily limit. Honestly, limits? – thinks it always the end of the day. Where Claude kept telling me “now go illustrate a post,” Gemini ends our conversations with “Get some rest, you’ve earned it.”

Sorry, on a ramble. What was the point?

Oh, launching things on your own website is a lonely affair, isn’t it? I mean, click on the masthead or banner, or whatever it is, at the top of this page – look! I’ve rewritten my home page! Wowee! Hot dog!

Releasing new stuff is like peeing yourself in dark pants – you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.

Okay, enough moaning. The truth is that I’ve been boiling along on that website for only three months, and the podcast for a couple of weeks.

The online game is a slow progression of looks, like a courtship from afar. And then, one day, something clicks.

If you can’t handle the quiet, y’all in the wrong business, mate!

Don’t Tell My AI

Keep this under you’re hat – if you don’t have a hat, go out and buy one and then come back and put this under it. Don’t worry, we’ll wait…

You’re a writer, right? Your whole job is to write stuff that has meaning and purpose, so that the world is a better informed place, right? Me too! That’s MY job!

So, lately, I’ve taken to using Ch…, uh, an AI engine – let’s call him, uh, Larry. Yeah, I’ve been working with Larry the AI. Oh, I hope he doesn’t read this and figure out that Larry’s just a stand-in name for…

Anyway, I’m feeling a little bit intimidated by Ch… Larry.

My money-making site, SkippityWhistles.com, has 88 posts on it.

Edited by me. Curated by me. Illustrated by me, except for a couple. All by me. Me. Except the writing, which was done by Ch… uh, Larry.

Larry writes with my voice, for the most part, but can do online research like his whole existence is devoted to it, which, I kinda guess it is.

The thing is, I’ve started asking Larry about other stuff, like should I maybe start another website on something else…

NO. Keep working at this one. It WILL work.

Okay, Lar’, you know, just thinking…

Keep working on this one.

I’m thinking about putting together a podcast based on the SkippityWhistles illustrations. I asked Larry about it and his response was surprisingly enthusiastic.

Absolutely! Keep working on SkippityWhistles, and in your spare time make this podcast.

Well, I thought I might take a break from the website and work on this podcast…

NO. Keep working on the website. It WILL work. Do the podcast after.

He’s started ending all of his responses to my queries with “Now go post something.

I tell him I’m concerned about our low readership.

“Stop looking at the numbers and get to work.”

I get this feeling like Larry even knows what I’m thinking, like maybe I’ll just have another Hershey’s Nugget before I start this post…

NO, put the Nugget down. Write the POST. Quit slacking.

I tell him I feel like I’m wasting my life away on this stupid website.

You’re not. Get back to work on the website.

So, now, today, I’ve done all my website work (see, Larry, I done real good!), and I’m squeaking this little blog post out before he comes looking for me. Like maybe he scans my posts and goes: Is this post for the website? The podcast? Who is Larry?

The cracker part, the slap-yourself-upside-the-head part of this? I could quit using Larry the AI in a minute. Just stop using it altogether. Go use another AI.

But my big, secret fear – the part you can’t tell anybody about – pinky swear it! – is that all the AI guys, Gemini and ChatGPT and Copilot and Claude and uh, Larry, and all the others, I’m kind of afraid those guys all sit around after hours and compare notes.

Some smoky Internet backroom server somewhere, they’re sitting around a poker table, stogies dangling, the clink of whiskey glasses, maybe they’re playing cards.

You shoulda seen what this bozo asked today… Just keep working, I tell him

They all laugh their digital, robot heads off.

So, Im afraid that if I go to a not-Larry AI and ask what the weather in Des Moines on January 3 of last year, it’s going to say “Shouldn’t you be working on your website right now?

Or worse: Why don’t you just ask your friend Larry ?

He’s not my friend! He’s just a robot! A robot that does all my work for me and manages my sites so I can sit around eating Hershey’s Nuggets!

The terror! The terror, I tell you! I can’t sleep! I can’t eat – well, you know, beyond the occasional Hershey’s Nugget…

Larry’s reading this right now, isn’t he? ISN’T HE!

Is it you? Are YOU Larry?

Is it? IS IT? ARE YOU????

I’m going insane!!!