Gorilla Marketing, Phase Two

cropped-droppington2

You just gotta love a sequel, huh? What better way to follow up a mega blockbuster hit than with another blockbuster? Boom, looka that, folks, something even better!

Well, in the spirit of gorilla marketing, I’ll go you one better than a sequel.

Howzabout this; Chapter 2 of DROPPINGTON PLACE? Oh, yeah, uh-huh, fist-bumps all ‘round.

Wha-aa-aat? Sonny Jim, you’re just plain givin’ away the whole dignity-danged store!

No I aint, Pa. I swear it. It’s a new market thing program about monkeys. All the cool folks ‘r doing it.

In today’s hurly-burly, gotta-make-a-buck world, you have to stand out of the crowd. You have to be the one. The one. You. If you don’t, the world will run right over you.

Think about this Internet. Right this instant, you can look up, like, a gazillion books for free. Books on just about anything, and fiction, and graphic novels, and whatever you want.

When you put your hard-earned words into that maelstrom, unless you just happen to be a Hemingway, or a Rowling, or a King, or another author more current whose name I should know but don’t because I’m actually an uncultured boob, you get lost in that rush of online pieces, just another salmon in the dash upstream.

So, you have to stand out. You have to be different. You have to be the one sought out by your readers.

Enter the gorilla wearing a tie.

GO: “I say, old bean, why not publish your work in a blog first, eh?”

JR: “But, jeepers, Mr. Rilla…”

GO: “Go, please.”

JR: “Oh, okay. Goodbye.”

GO: “No, don’t leave, you ninny. Simply call me Go. No need to be formal.”

JR: “Oh. Anyway, Go,   nobody reads my blog.”

GO: “Surely someone does.”

JR: “Well, I guess there are quite a few…”

GO: “There you are. Publish your book, one chapter at a time, to your readers. They’ll read it, talk amongst themselves, and before long, why, they’ll be clamoring to… “

JR: “To buy my books?”

GO: “No, to have you hanged. I’ve read your stuff. You should be ashamed.”

So, in the spirit of Go Rilla, the marketing monkey…

GO: “Ape, if you please. Great ape, in fact.”

DROPPINGTON PLACE, Chapter 2, is now released on my Droppington Place blog, here. You can also follow the link at the bottom of this page to the Droppington Place site.

Enjoy!

Publicity, One Chapter at a Time

ConnectDots

Are you ready for the next installment of MARIGOLD’S END? I’ll bet you are – you there, my writer friend, sitting on the edge of your seat wondering, wondering, wondering whatever happens to Phineas next.

At least, I hope it’s you. Nobody else in the room, that I can see. Yep. It’s you. Try to form a line there, would you please? A line of one rather resembles a dot, doesn’t it? Well, please form an orderly dot.

Writing is a lonely business. Your garret, or office, or room, or swimming pool deck, wherever you do your writing, fills up with characters, talking, laughing, fighting, sleeping, doing whatever it is that they do. Then you turn off the word processor, and, voila, it is only you.

No one is very much interested in you while you write, because, frankly, you are uninteresting when you write. Not as a person, mind you, but as company, because you’re in the room filled with all those interesting characters. The real people around you just sort of hang in limbo until you snap off the word processor. Oh, THERE you are!

So you, my dotted friend – dotted by virtue of being a line of one – are the witness to the publicity and hoorah surrounding the release of Chapter 4. Hoorah!

Chapter 4 introduces us to the life of a sailor. Chapter 1 introduced us to Phineas, Chapter 2 to the perils of traveling by boat in the early 1700’s, and Chapter 3 to the indescribable job of seasickness. Now we’re past all that and exploring the Kathryn B, and what it means to be a sailor.

In MARIGOLD’S END, you learn about the new world into which Phineas is thrust only through his eyes – a challenge to write, but hopefully not to read. Like you, Phineas’ learning comes through total immersion. It be sink or swim in the briny deep. You’ll find it over there, on the left, under MARIGOLD’S END, the Novel. See, it sort of drops down, ready for reading’!

So you, dear dot of a writer-friend, are in for a treat.

Let me know what you think. Drop me a line, leave me a comment, send me a mental note.

If you are a new dot, please be so kind as to stand next to the other dot, thereby forming a line.

A line! They’re lining up to read my work!

I KNEW this day would come!

Now, if I can just get ‘em to pay!

Marigold’s End, Chapter 04

PortQuarterdeck

Phineas has survived Alfred Townsend and the dangerous boat trip to the Kathryn B. Seasickness almost did him in. Whatever could await in Chapter 4? Read on, good friend, read on!

MARIGOLD’S END, Chapter 4

The sunlight danced and twirled on the ceiling above where Phineas lay in his hanging cot. He looked at the squiggling patterns for a long time, trying to figure out how they got up on there on the underside of the floor above him.

What day was it? He couldn’t remember. His days had become a blur as he lay in the cot, sweating and retching and hoping that, if he couldn’t just feel better, he would simply die and end the misery of seasickness.

Uncle Neville came in to check on him regularly during the day, and of course slept in the other cot in the cabin at night. He had stood by the side of Phineas’ cot and clucked nervously.

“You’ll be right as rain before you can say Bob’s your Uncle,” he said once. He meant it to be helpful.

“I don’t have an Uncle Bob,” Phineas groaned. “Just an Uncle Kidnapper.”

“It don’t seem like it right now,” Uncle Neville replied defensively, “but this voyage will make a man out of ye. And a right fine man you’ll become. Just like your father.”

Phineas turned his head away and looked out the window. Just like his father. He shook his sick head.

“I just want to die,” he moaned in answer.

“I, uh, I’ll fetch ye a new bucket,” Uncle Neville said and left the cabin.

Later – it seemed much later to Phineas – it seemed the wind had picked up and howled around the ship.

Except that the ship wasn’t a ship anymore, but the fortress he and Nigel had built on the shore of Wharf Creek. Except that it wasn’t exactly the same. Torches guttered in the howling wind, and rain slashed and splattered all around him, although both he and Nigel were perfectly dry.

“I say, old tub,” Nigel grinned, “it seems as if we are in for a bit of weather.

“Quite so,” Phineas replied, and had begun to say something about the strangeness of no rain falling where they stood. But a sudden and terrible roaring noise interrupted him.

Where there had been rain slashing down outside the dark windows, now there rose the sea, deep green and surging, with white caps the size of horses.

“It will be all right,” Nigel called. “I’ve rather discovered a boat!”

He pointed cheerfully at a skiff – it was the one that belonged to Phineas’ father – sitting on the floor of the fort. “A natty craft, that one!”

Phineas stared at the thing in horror. The boom, the one that had so nearly killed him, swung menacingly.

“I don’t think…” he began.

“It’ll be all right, old wallop,” Nigel said. But he suddenly pointed out the window.

The sea burst through it and into the fortress like a green, white-capped tongue. It whipped its foamy tips at the boat and utterly destroyed it. The foamy tips lunged at Phineas, who leapt aside and ducked behind the boat’s wreckage. The tips spattered against the wall where he had stood.

Nigel stood in the center of the room, staring open-mouthed at the water that writhed around the room like a foamy green serpent.

In an instant the water collapsed in on itself, trapping poor Nigel in the center.

He thrust his hand out of the water, just inches away from Phineas as the water lifted him off the floor.

Phineas stared at Nigel’s hand, unable to move, frozen in place by his fear of the water.

“Help me,” Nigel called in a perfectly clear, perfectly calm voice. “You can do it, old shoe.”

Phineas shook his head. He could not do it.

The sea suddenly reversed itself, sucking out through the window, leaving the room in shattered silence. The sea was gone, Nigel with it, and the rain returned. Poor Nigel, he thought.

He sat upright suddenly in his cot – so suddenly that he bashed his forehead on the deck beam above. The impact knocked him backwards against his pillow.

Some time later he awoke again. Sunlight poured in through the cabin windows – his eyes ached under the glare. The inside of his mouth tasted like it had a dead rat in it. He was monstrously hungry. Uncle Neville had brought him some sort of dry bread, but he threw it up almost as soon as he swallowed it.

Nigel was still in his thoughts, and so was that surging, rapacious sea. He sat up in the cot and looked out the windows at the cerulean ocean. It stretched endlessly away, calmly surging under a gentle breeze.

“I still hate you,” he whispered to it.

A wave of nausea lifted in his gut, but just as quickly receded.

He thought about Duxbury, and Mother, and all that had happened. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t go home – just look at the horizon: no land in sight.

“So,” he said softly, “I’m to be a sailor now, is that it?”

He was a to be a sailor who had very nearly shot Alfred Townsend. That was a pretty brave thing to do. He was a pretty good binding stitcher, too. That was a grownup thing. He was through with Nigel, which was a good thing. And he didn’t have to get up before dawn to go down to Mr. Santorini’s. That was a good thing, too. Maybe, if he avoided that Lourdburton, this sea voyage thing might not be so bad – as long as he stayed out of the water – maybe it would work.

He stood up carefully, somewhat cheerful, ready to try out the idea of being a sailor. His anger at having been abducted, at having his whole world jerked out from under him, at his being forced to ride in a boat, that would all have to wait.

“Phineas, lad,” Uncle Neville crowed as he strolled into the cabin, “glad it is that I am to see ye standing up. Get yourself up to the galley. Solid food is what you’re needing now.” The older man sat down with a humph on the cushions and pulled a chart towards himself.

Phineas looked at him for a moment, wondering if there was to be any further conversation. But his uncle had busied himself with the brass dividers.

“Uncle, if you please, what does kissing…”

“Captain, if you don’t mind,” Uncle Neville interrupted absently.

“Oh, of course. What does kissing the captain’s daughter mean?”

“It don’t signify…” the captain muttered under his breath, but then looked sharply up at his nephew.

“What did ye say? Kissing whom?”

“Kissing the captain’s daughter,” Phineas repeated.

“Kissing the captain’s…” Uncle Neville repeated in thought. He stared up at the deck beams above him, and then down at the desk. He pursed his lips and shook his head slightly, the little curls on his wig dancing to some unheard tune.

“Well, it’s clear I don’t have no daughters,” he said with a sigh. “I’m thinking maybe ye’ve confused it with kissing the gunner’s daughter, which is an old navy term for punishment on the gundeck.”

He looked back at his charts, moving the brass dividers across them once more. The black feather of his quill pen bobbed as he made small marks on the chart.

“There,” he said proudly to himself. “That’s as good a sounding as ever you’ll get.”

Phineas watched him, unsure whether he should ask more questions or go to the galley. In fact, he wondered if he should ask his uncle where the galley was, as he had no clue as to even what it was. Out came another chart, this one rolled up in a scroll, to lie on top of the first one. It didn’t want to lie out flat, however, and rolled itself back up.

Another thought, even more urgent than hunger, leapt into Phineas’ mind. It had nothing to do with the captain’s daughter, or the galley, or hunger at all. It was much more urgent. He watched his uncle, waiting for a chance to speak to him.

“Oh, for mercy’s sake,” Uncle Neville muttered and laid his inkpot on one corner of the chart. He snatched up a spyglass from the window seat and slapped it down onto the opposite corner. The two remaining corners curled rebelliously.

“Cursed Stromwell charts.”

“Uncle, I mean, Captain,” Phineas blurted, unable to wait any longer.

Uncle Neville jumped with surprise, jerking the chart, which flipped the inkwell over. He leapt to his feet.

“My charts!” he bellowed.

He snatched up the inkwell and set it on its feet, scrambled to find something to blot up the streaming ink that meandered across the top of his Stromwell chart.

“Is there an outhouse…”

“Out!” Uncle Neville roared. “Get out! Use the gallery, ye simple-headed lumpkin!”

Phineas ran to one of the small rooms at the side of the cabin and made use of the hole in the chair. What a chucklehead, he thought to himself, making his uncle spill his ink like that. He should have remembered what the galleries were for. He shook his head.

When he left the gallery he found that Uncle Neville had left the cabin. The charts were gone, and it was hard to tell from the vague blue stain beneath the half-empty inkpot whether irreparable damage had been done.

He sighed. This was a great way to start being a sailor.

The bright and open waist, visible from the still-open cabin door, beckoned to him. He walked carefully past the heavy guns, nestled like big hogs up against the side of the ship, and out into the brilliant morning sunshine.

Sparkling green waves slithered past as the ship surged through them. Wind hummed through the rigging, filing the big white sails that made an exquisite contrast to the blue cloudless sky.

“Mornin’, young fella,” said Swede as he passed on the deck. “Gut to see you about.”

“Mornin’,” Phineas replied. “Are you feeling better, too?”

“Oh, ya,” Swede replied. “I vas better two days oot. Alvays is same at de start of a yourney, ya?”

“Ya,” Phineas said. He liked speaking the international languages. Swede chuckled briefly, but suddenly stood up stiffly suddenly and glanced over Phineas’ shoulder.

Phineas turned around, trying to figure out what made Swede act so strangely. It was Lourdburton, nearing them as he walked purposefully towards the front of the ship. He glanced at Phineas.

“Well,” he said gruffly, “back amongst the living, eh?”

Phineas looked around awkwardly, not quite sure what to say.

“The typical answer is ‘aye, sir,” Lourdburton said tersely. “It’s a phrase ye’d best become accustomed to. When ye’re ready, you’re to report to Mr. Duffy in the galley to assume your duties. Is that clear?”

“Duties?” Phineas gaped at him. Lourdburton shook his head.

“No one sails for free, Phineas. Don’t forget, you are the cabin boy.”

He nodded and pushed past them as he continued his walk forward. Phineas stared after him. Cabin boy, indeed.

“The typical answer is ‘aye, sir’,” Lourdburton called over his shoulder.

“Aye, sir,” Phineas replied meekly. Swede shook his head sadly.

“You had best get forvard and check in mit Herr Duffy,” he said. “I vill be hongry when de dinnertime comes, ya?”

“What do you mean?”

“Der cabin boy is de one who is service the meals,” Swede answered cheerfully. “Dat is vat you is to be doing mit Herr Duffy. You best be getting’ up dere now, ya?”

“Aye, sir,” Phineas said.

“Yew don’t say dat to me, ye idiot!” Swede laughed. He trotted across the waist and up the ladder onto the foredeck. In a moment he was gone, climbing like a monkey up the ropes of the front mast.

Phineas glanced over the side of the ship. The deep green sea seemed so clear that he imagined he could see a thousand feet down. The ship’s shadow at once rose and fell on the waves and drifted like a dark ghost below and next to it.

He suppressed a shudder, and fought Nigel out of his mind.

Another shadow, smaller than the ship’s darted beneath them. His heart stopped. Something down there, in the deep green sea, moved. It wasn’t a shadow – it remained steady and constant beneath the dancing sun sparkles.

A pale gray thing, looking like a positively enormous linen tablecloth, drifted up from far down below them in the blue-green depths. It slowly rose up from the very deep water, starting first as a blur, but getting more and more distinct as it got closer. The thing was easily as long as the ship. Soon Phineas could clearly make a long whipping tail. It rose and rose towards him. He began to tremble, horrified by what he saw but unable to takes his eyes off of it.

It rolled over near the surface and stared at him with an enormous, black eye.

Phineas gasped and backed away from the ship’s rail in panic. He bumped right into a pudgy sailor who had been passing.

“What do you see, lad?”

The sailor smiled at him as if he was speaking to some village idiot, but Phineas didn’t care. He pointed over the side in horror.

“L-L-Look!” he stammered.

The sailor looked over the side. The horrid thing was still there. It glided smoothly, evilly, through the water below them, hiding in the shadow of the ship. Waiting for them. The sailor chuckled softly.

“Jablonski,” another sailor said as he walked past, “old man Sturgis is looking for ye, forward.”

“Thanks, mate,” Jablonski replied.

Phineas tried to look casual, as if he weren’t terrified of that awful beast lurking beneath the ship. He looked into the ropes overhead. The second the other sailor had gone he threw himself back to the rail to stare at the monster again.

In the blink of an eye the awful thing darted right to the surface and leapt fifteen feet out of the water. Its huge, gray, diamond-shaped body completely left the sea and whipped a tail that must have been ten feet long.

The beast lunged directly at him.

“He…help!” Phineas gasped.

A thousand gallons of seawater surged at him. The light gray belly of the beast slammed against the gunwale, throwing him backwards off his feet.

The slimy, fish-foul breath of the thing blew in his face as it perched there on the side of the ship for a brief moment. Men yelled and thundered towards it.

An inrush of breath, and the beast fell backwards off of the side, crashing into the sea with a titanic roar of water. Seawater fell about them like rain as the giant monster made a circle beneath them and disappeared, gliding smoothly back into the depths from which it came.

“I never seen the like,” one sailor said.

“When I was in Larkspur one landed clean on the deck once,” another said.

“Wha… what was that thing?” Phineas gasped from the deck. He was afraid to stand up in case it came back.

“Manta ray,” Jablonski replied with a grin. “Right frisky, that one.”

The grin, which made Phineas feel like a foolish little kid, also made him just the littlest bit angry.

“I thought it was going to eat us!” he replied. He instantly regretted saying that – of course the thing couldn’t eat them all.

Jablonski laughed.

“Goodness no, boy! That’s a manta ray. They don’t eat the likes of you and me.” He laughed and shook his head. “’Eat us’,” he repeated.

Phineas searched his memory for a reference of somebody being eaten by a fish, hoping to show this pudgy fellow that he knew more about the sea in his pinky finger than Jablonski did in his whole… anyway.

“Just like the story of Jonah…” he said.

A look of panic suddenly came over Jablonski’s face. He reached down and shushed Phineas with his hand. Phineas wriggled beneath the grubby fingers pressed over his mouth, unwilling to put up with any more insults. He climbed angrily to his feet.

“Now, see here…” he began.

But Jablonski looked over his shoulders in fear.

“You don’t ever say that name on board ship, lad,” he whispered urgently. “You just don’t say it.”

“Why not?” Phineas spat angrily. “Wasn’t he swallowed by a whale?”

“Aye,” Jablonski replied quietly, as if telling a great secret, “that he was, but that don’t be the whole of it.” His bright blue eyes shone out of his tan, stubbly face. His breath smelt of rum and tobacco. “God told him to go to Nineveh, see, but he refused, and took passage on a ship sailing in the opposite direction. So God took out His wrath on Jonah’s ship. He were just a passenger, but that didn’t matter to God. The sea rose up and tried to smash ‘em, and there was thunder and lightning, and the ship was bein’ tore apart. Don’t you see?”

The sea raced into the fortress in Phineas’ memory.

“Help me,” Nigel had said so calmly.

Phineas shuddered.

“I don’t see,” he answered quietly.

“When things go bad on board a ship,” Jablonski whispered, glancing around him, “it’s usually because you have a fellow who’s been cursed by God with bad luck – a Jonah.

“A man like that on board can kill a ship. You don’t NEVER want to go around sayin’ that name!” He looked around briefly to see if anyone had overheard their conversation, and then stood back a half step. “Do you understand?”

Phineas nodded nervously. This talk of the sea rising up, of God’s wrath for doing something bad… maybe that fish was a sign. Maybe God was coming after Phineas because he didn’t…

“But that’s not fair,” he blurted. He couldn’t have rescued Nigel – the water was too rough. Everyone said so. Maybe everyone but God. He looked down at the deck.

“T’aint nothing fair about it, lad,” Jablonski said simply. “God struck out at Jonah, and that is fact.”

Phineas glanced around the ship quickly. Maybe the fish was a sign. Maybe he had already brought bad luck on the ship. He looked pleadingly at Jablonski.

“Is – is it too late?” he whispered.

The older sailor put his hand to his jaw and thought for a brief moment.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. ”Once one of them rays leapt clean through the backstay… Lady Ella, that was… during a right blow. The foretopmast come down an’ three poor sailormen lost their lives. I seen that, once. This weren’t as bad as that, but you just can’t know for sure. You surely do not want to go around proclaimin’ yourself a Jonah. If you do, and we run into a stream of bad luck, the crew will throw you over the side.”

Over the side. Phineas nodded slowly, sadly. Perhaps they would throw him over the side. “What should I do?” he asked.

“Well, we’ll just keep this atween you and me,” Jablonski said, looking around once more. “You din’t mean northin’ by it, you just din’t know. But don’t go sayin’ that name ever again, do you see?”

“Thank you so very much,” Phineas whispered quietly.

“Don’t ye worry on it,” Jablonski replied with a wink. He turned and walked cheerfully away.

Phineas watched the sailor walk away and wondered if this was some sort of circle: perhaps the sea was going to get him after all. Perhaps he should have drowned that time with his father. Maybe God sent that log for him, and Nigel got in the way. That bright, sunny day swam back into his memory, and water rushing and roaring and poor Nigel, his arm waving frantically above the surging waves, flailing…

“Phin, me boy,” Uncle Neville intruded cheerfully on his thoughts. “The galley is forward, not aft.”

Phineas looked up at him in surprise.

“I’m sorry about the ink pot,” he stammered.

“Don’t ye worry about that, now,” his uncle replied with a smile. “‘T’was me own fault.

His uncle glanced covertly about. He scratched his head, looked down at himself, and then motioned Phineas to come closer.

“Now, listen, lad,” he said softly. “It’s just that, well, it’s…it’s about them breeches ye be wearing. They, uh, well, they’re likely to be causing a bit of a stir amongst the men.”

Phineas looked down at his breeches. He had on his buff ones with the white stockings. Although soaked with seawater, they looked all right to him.

“I got splashed by a manta ray,” he said defensively. “I’m sure they’ll dry out.”

“No, no, it aren’t that. Goodness knows we all get wet most often,” Uncle Neville said with a little choking noise. His face turned an uncomfortable shade of red. “Look around you, lad. How many men do you see wearing breeches and stockings on board this ship?”

Phineas looked around. Not a one, not even Uncle Neville. They all wore trousers.

“It isn’t that you don’t look sharp and all,” Uncle Neville said, “but it causes a problem with the men. See how they all got them blue and white stripe shirts and white ducks? They’re all dressed the same because they’re members of the crew. You’re a member of the crew, aren’t you?”

“Well, uh, I, uh, don’t know…” Phineas stammered. The recent brush with death clouded his thoughts.

“Now, Phineas,” Uncle Neville said seriously, “your mother and I agreed that taking you to sea would be the best thing for you. We both know that having your father not be around, so to speak, well, it hasn’t been easy on you. Living there, in that cottage with my sister and no man around, well, it just don’t be right for a fine youngster.”

Phineas cleared his throat uncomfortably. He bit back the urge to point out that Uncle Neville must have felt that kidnapping a youngster and dragging him off to sea against his will was more right than leaving him at home.

“But, well,” his uncle continued, “here we are at sea, and I’m thinking things will work themselves out aright. You’ll find that this is the best thing what ever happened to ye.

“Now, son,” he said even more quietly, and leaned in closer to him. “There is one thing I’ll be asking of you. You’re me nephew and all that. But on board ship I need you to do your best, to be the best sailor you can be…”

“I’ve already decided that I would be a good sailor…”

“…The fact of the matter is that I always figured this ship and all her trappings would someday come to you, by way of inheritance. Just think of it, lad – your own ship!”

“…because that is what you and Mother want. It won’t be that hard, and I’ve already learned some terms… “

“… but, I need ye to do me proud in front of the men. You know, family tradition and all. Learn what’s taught to ye and show ye know it well. Put your best foot forward. Can ye do that for me? For your dear old Uncle?”

“As I say, Uncle, I’ve already started learning some…”

“Grand!” Uncle Neville grinned. “Now, it’d make things easier for me if you went to the slop chest and found yourself a pair of ducks. Mr. Sturgis can make ‘em fit for you. Best find yourself three or four pair, as trousers tend to get tarred up around here.”

Until he said the word trousers Phineas had no idea what ducks were. “What’s the slop chest?”

“You’ll find it in the fo’csle in the carpenter’s shop, right across from the galley,” Uncle Neville replied cheerfully. “That works out nicely, don’t it? You be going up there anyway, aren’t ye?”

“Well,” Phineas replied shakily, “I had rather planned on going back to the aft cabin…”

“Nonsense, lad,” Uncle Neville said cheerfully and clapped him on the shoulder. “Unless, of course, ye has business to do out in the gallery, but ye’ve already done that, eh?

“There’s the lad,” Uncle Neville continued with a smile. “You can pass my respects to Mr. Duffy and tell him I want him to make an easy day of it.”

“All righ…I mean, aye, sir,” Phineas replied. “Uncle?”

“Aboard ship I prefer to be called captain,” Uncle Neville said kindly.

“All right…captain,” Phineas said. “Have you ever heard of a Jonah?”

Uncle Neville looked at him suddenly with a keen interest. He glanced over his shoulders and stepped closer to his nephew.

“What makes ye ask that, son?” he asked seriously. “Do we have a Jonah amongst us?”

“Well, no, I was just…” Phineas began.

“Who is it, son?” Uncle Neville asked urgently. “Point ‘im out to me if ye don’t know his name.”

“Well, I was just…” Phineas had been going to describe his conversation with Jablonski, but Uncle Neville’s reaction suddenly made him nervous. “Uh, I just heard someone saying that they didn’t think we had any Jonahs aboard this ship.”

“Well, you just tell whoever it was that you overheard that I’ll not brook even the mention of that name aboard my ship,” Uncle Neville said severely. “Now, get yourself up to the galley and we’ll put this nonsense behind us.”

Uncle Neville turned to leave, but then turned back again. He dropped his voice.

“Now, Queen’s truth, you didn’t hear no tell of there being a Jonah aboard the Kathryn B?” he asked in a low, urgent whisper.

“Queen’s truth,” Phineas replied

Uncle Neville looked at him for a long moment. It was an odd look, as if he didn’t believe him, or didn’t trust him, or was, perhaps, just afraid. It made Phineas squirm.

“I imagine I should head to the galley,” Phineas said.

Uncle Neville nodded.

“And no more of that kind of talk,” he said as Phineas passed.

Writing Forever

shake

I know you know this, so I guess there’s not much point to telling you about it. But, well, there it is, isn’t it?

I’ve been hating on my book, DROPPINGTON PLACE. Okay, well, not on the book itself, but on the writing of it. Some days it’s a blast, and the words flow like sweet cherry wine. The next day comes the roadblock, the stumbling block, the block of ice that freezes our soul and stalls us just plain dead in our tracks. I hate that block, too.

In my story, the characters explore a surrealistic world made entirely of paper. Their path takes them down, well, a path. So, how do we walk down this path?

Walking, and walking, and walking becomes so dull that even I can’t stand to write it.

Instead of walking and walking, the camera drifts up into the sky and looks down on them, telling us where they’ve been and what they’ve seen.

And THAT, my writer friend, is exactly where the roadblock landed. Flooomph, like a big rock in the highway to Interesting Storyland, we stepped out of the lives of the characters, the story became wooden and dull, and no fun to write. And, if you don’t have fun writing a piece, however is your reader going to enjoy it?

Ding-dong. Hello, Mr. Dimwit? Your brain is calling.

It’s a scene, of course. The answer is to place scenes along the path. Scenes that move the story forward even as they move the characters down the road. Cool, huh?

Biggity-big-big-bigger question.

Why do this? Why do you care about great paragraphs, and storylines, and why is it so important for you to put your thoughts on paper?

Why? Why must you publish your book? If writing is so important to you, why don’t you just write and write and let it go at that.

Okay, so maybe it’s not the writing, is it? It’s the reading.

You write your ideas and stories so that others will enjoy, will learn, will see the world in a new way. Isn’t that so?

So, here’s the rub: if you are so concerned about your reader seeing the world in a new way as a result of your work, why put your name on it? Okay, so it’s not just the reading. It’s the fame.

Before we go too far into our writer’s tools and processes, let us get this straight:

You and I are reaching for the brass ring of immortality.

Think about Shakespeare, a household word. Shakespearian theater. It defines a whole category of acting, of playwriting, of presentation. Why isn’t that you?

It could be. If your book is successful, if you find the right combination of story and character, you, my dear reader friend, could be the next Shakespeare, your name whispered and hailed and venerated for generations to come.

That’s immortality for us.

But it’s more than that, isn’t it?

Writing is a business. Success is not measured by finished works. It’s measured by works sold. Sold. Sounds bad, but it is the business.

Sell a million books and you’re doing good. Sell a million books a year and you’re on your way. Sell a million books a year and get a movie deal, and household wordism isn’t far away.

Isn’t that what you want? That’s what I want. I don’t think it will happen, but that doesn’t make me want it any less, or make me work any less hard in trying to get there.

So, go finish your book. Write well. I’m finishing mine. Maybe you’ll read it – maybe I’ll read yours. Maybe yours is so good that Disney is dialing the phone this very instant to make you the next Stephen King.

Hey, it could happen! Immortality could be that close. I’m sitting by the phone.

Marketing Ploy: Chapter Added

cropped-cropped-009.jpg

Okay, no lies here. Only the straight up truth. Something inside says to publish the chapters of this book, one miserable week at at time, until the book is laid completely before you. So, submitted for your approval, MARIGOLD’S END, Chapter 3. You’ll find it over there, on the left, under the title MARIGOLD’S END, the Novel. See how it works?

So, why publish chapters of the book. Once you’ve read it, you’re not likely to buy, like, a dozen copies. Maybe you could – they make great Christmas presents and passable doorstops – but no one is holding their breath.

No, it’s something more fundamental than marketing. What is the WWW if not the marketplace of the world. What is the Internet, and the ability to publish whatever, whenever, if not a way to float ideas, to share thoughts, to trade our works of art with one another?

In Shakespeare’s time, he published his own work through a publisher, hoping that it would sell. But more than just hoping for a little quick cash, a little Elizabethan jingle-in-the-jeans, he had to write, had to publish, had to share his words.

You’re a writer, you understand. You do the blog thing as a way to express yourself.

More, this is marketing. While I want you to read this book, and  DROPPINGTON PLACE, my next book, I really want to impress in your mind that my books are good and entertaining and worth the paltry shekels one shells out for them. I’m not marketing these books, but their children.

Which, according to gorilla marketing, means I’m not marketing at all, but publicizing.  You, John or Jane Q. Public – isn’t it weird that John and Jane have the same middle initial? It must be Quincy – are not being marketed, but are reading a fine piece of publicity. No pictures, please.

So, go on over and click on MARIGOLD’S END, the Novel, and breeze through Chapter 3. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Oh, and enjoy the publicity. No pictures, please.

BN Marketing Promise Kept

Apocolypse

I’d say this promise is kept by popular demand, but you, dear reader, and I both know that that’s not true, for there is only you and me in this cruel-hearted world. Please place your beer here – _____ – for crying into, later. For we have work to do now.

First and foremost: below you will find the outline for my book, DROPPINGTON PLACE, precisely as promised in yesterday’s post on Bare Naked Marketing. An important part of marketing, of course, is delivering on your promises. Some of those promises are implied. If you shell out several dollars for a Yugo, that the car has a steering wheel is implied, along with seats and a suitably tame headliner.   But a promise like “I will share this with you,” well, that’s a promise with no ifs, ands or butterumpusses about it.

If you were a playwright, you’d know this formula:

Act I: we meet the protagonist and his circumstances. All is well until, just at the end, something dreadful shatters his peaceful existence.

Act II: things gets worse and worse, more and more dire, nastier and nastier, until, at the very end of the act, the idea emerges that will save all.

Act III: we act on the idea, vanquish the dreadfulness, and resolve the manifold puzzles presented during the day. If it’s a musical, the audience walks out humming the overture.

In DROPPINGTON PLACE, we don’t have quite that much structure. You’ll find the outline over there, on the left of this site, under the strikingly original title DROPPINGTON PLACE: Outline.

So, there it is, you and I are sealed at the word processor. I share this with you in the hopes of giving you a window into my creative process.

I trust, of course, that we won’t see you running down the street with my outline in hand bellowing “Eureka! I know what to write!” That would bring bad juju, wouldn’t it?

Your ideas are always welcome – simply comment on this blog.

Stay tuned, dear reader. There are chapters, both of this book and MARIGOLD’S END, to follow.

 

Remember: no running.

Bare Naked Marketing

man-wearing-barrel-580115

Please disregard the provocative headline… nobody here is taking off their clothes. Probably.

So, whatever does one mean by bare naked marketing? Unlike guerilla marketing, which takes advantage of life’s nooks and crannies to broadcast one’s message, and unlike gorilla marketing, which is naked by default… seriously, how many gorillas look good in yoga pants… bare naked marketing is a new concept, proposed by yours truly.

BNM… the rule for technical writers goes like this: bare naked marketing (BNM), but that’s tedious… is organic marketing. As nobody reads this blog, I’ve decided to expose myself – all right, just my artistic soul – on my current project, DROPPINGTON PLACE.

We’ve already discussed designing the story, and I may have posted a chapter.  We have therefore already explored part of my new marketing ploy… I mean, plan.

BNM: starting tomorrow, you will get to see the writing process that goes into this book. The outline will be posted here, along with changes as they occur. Chapters, as they are finished, will be here, too.

Why BNM? You’re a writer, right? Well, so am I.  Does it not make sense to share our thoughts and processes? I mean, it’s not like some great big secret? Should it be? I think not!

So, starting tomorrow, visit here for the much ballyhooed Bare Naked MARKETING. Clothing on your part is entirely optional.

Cliffhanger Marketing

Image: Wikipedia
Image: Wikipedia

 When we left our heroes, Norman, Jake, and Wanda dangled over the boiling lava pit, suspended in the air by a single strand of dental floss.

 “I believe it’s beginning to stretch…” Jake gasped.

The cliffhanger, the white-knuckler squeaker of a nasty dilemma that makes you just want to, makes you just have to, makes you just DIE to start the next chapter and see what happens, is an old, old way to sell stories.

Scheherazade used them to keep herself alive in the One Thousand and One Nights, remember? The king was going to lop off her head when she reached the end of her story, so she spun out cliffhangers, night after night, until he finally said “dude, like, cut it out!” That may be a loose translation.

The upside of cliffhangers is that you bring the audience back for the next chapter. It’s rather a component of gorilla marketing, wherein you don’t do anything, and let the story do all the work.

The downside is that your story becomes lurchy, if that’s a word, and rather roller coastery, if that’s a word. Your sensitive love story about a girl and her pet dragon must necessarily take a turn for the violent, or for extreme emotions: I HATE you, Nogard bellowed. The end.

Another downside is that cliffhangers become rather tedious. For goodness sake, can’t he AVOID the traps once in a while? The old Batman TV show had just 22 minutes to get out of a cliffhanger, tell some story, and get into a new one, making the Caped Crusader seem, I don’t know, rather cartoonish?

So, it is with a blend of cliffhangery, if that’s a word, and gorilla marketing, that you now find Chapter Two of MARIGOLD’S END here on this very site.

Taa Daa!

As you’ll recall from Chapter One, our troubled twelve-year-old, Phineas Caswell, points the loaded pistol,  trigger-finger itchery (if that’s a word), squarely at the running-away back of Alfred Townsend, the unarmed bully that has made his life a living hell. Will he pull the trigger and end his woes? Will He? WILL HE???

Well, now you can find out. The second chapter, cleverly titled Chapter Two, now has it’s own page. Oh, and you’ll be surprised at the turn of events.         I hope.

Now you can read the chapters, build up steam, get rolling in MARIGOLD’S END, and wait breathlessly for Chapter Three. Oops – I gave away the title!

Before you get all wormy-squirmy and palm-sweaty like you do in the seat across the car dealer sales manager (How am I going to get you into that car today, friend?), I must remind   you: this is gorilla marketing. Don’t buy the book – you can’t!

But, let me know what you think, would you? Liked it? Hated it? Mondo disregardo? Your feedback, my independent writer friend, is most needed.

Now, I’m not desperate – I know that’s what you’re thinking.  But, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. My darling editor is moooviiiing soooo slooooowly, think of this as Plan B.

Your input, spread out over the number of weeks over which I plan to release a chapter…let’s see, here, 18 chapters, take away the 2 I’ve already released…let’s see, carry the 1…should coincide with her completion of her editorial chore.

Badda boom, badda bing, and all I have to do is NOTHING! Now THAT, my reader friend, is gorilla marketing!

 

Designing a Book 

 

CarlsHouse

At first you think, whoa, I am, like, so going to write this book that it’s just going to be the best darned thing anybody has every gosh darned read. Then you sit down at the word processor…

It was a dark and stormy night…backspace, backspace, backspace

You may wonder why I’m dead… backspace, backspace, backspace

You’re not the boss of me, Timmy snarled… backspace, backspace, double backspace, control-X

All right, so, that knock at the front door is clearly not your muse, come to enlighten you…

My book, DROPPINGTON PLACE, has gone through iteration after iteration, the story orbiting around plot point after plot point, through about 17 “hot-dang, this’ll be good” rewrites, and finally sat down and breathed out.

That’s when Byron, the protagonist, stepped in. It turns out he really did have a story to tell – something serious he wanted to say. His story is actually pretty good – a little calm compared to previous editions of his book, but pretty good.

In the original story, Byron finds himself transported to a world of paper, run by a magical being called a homunculus. However will he get back? Assisted by two human friends and a couple of paper people, he eventually gets the homunculus to send him home. Yawnzers, kids. It’s a cool idea, but, like the paper world he visits, seriously flat.

Byron recently announced that he was not happy in the 3D world. His father has left. His mother has “episodes” that pull her emotionally far away, and he misses his best friend, left behind when they moved to a new town. He finds his escape from his woes by building paper houses.

The paper world into which he is thrust holds much more mystery for him, and might even be a place in which he can find respite. We spend most of the story wondering, with him, if the place is real or a dream. The homunculus is a paper copy of a 15th century playwright, and stands in as sort of a father figure for Byron.

We still have all the interesting paper stuff going on, and there’s a bad guy, but that’s no longer what drives the story.

The motor behind the story is Byron’s emotional arc, as he learns to cope with the many difficult issues he must face.

Fine, fine, well and good. Jeepers, mister, you’re a GENIUS, but having a character arc don’t do crackers for the structure of the book.

To remedy that ill, I broke the cracking-good synopsis for DROPPINGTON PLACE into chapters, to wit:

 “…

Chapter 2

At first the fascinating paper world is appealing, as it provides an escape from the woes of the real world. But, after seeing a 3D human like himself turned into a 2D paper person, he realizes he is in danger.

 

Chapter 3

 

Searching for a way out, he meets Hailey, a strikingly bright and hopeful 12 year old, who hopes to assist the tiny man requesting help. She uses her knowledge of magic, gained through reading a series of young-adult novels, to explain and understand the paper world. Together they witness Hobbs turn a 3D human into a 2D “flatso” as Byron calls them. They realize that Hobbs is the way out, and decide to visit his castle, Hobbs Manor…”

 

Now Byron can say all the stuff that’s important, but the rhythm of the book is a flow that can be managed and developed. Each character can say their important stuff, but this outline tells them when to say it.

 

There is a danger, my writer friend, of getting too detailed in the outline – I know some writers who fall into this sinister little trap. They write and write, not on the book, but in the outline, and solve all of their puzzles so thoroughly that they now see no need to write the book!

 

So, sketchy and loose, detailed but easy-peasy, that’s the road for Byron!

Writing at Disneyland

Image: Disneyexperience.com
Image: Disneyexperience.com

There’s something sort of crazy about being, well, sort of crazy. At the top of the list is that you don’t have to explain anything – well, I’m just sort of crazy like that.   You get lots of clever adjectives, like quirky, and different. And, because you’re just sort of crazy like that, you know, quirky and different, you find yourself with lots of free time on your hands. Let’s not invite her – you, know, she’s quirky and different.

This big and mighty world tries really hard to convince you that being busy is doing something. You can be busy all day long at Disneyland, but, what have you accomplished beyond exhausting yourself and dropping two hundred bucks to a guy in a mouse costume? Nothing, Jack. For all that busyness, you accomplished nothing.

So it is with we quirky, different writers, dontcha think? This endeavor right here, this very one you are reading, which hopefully brings a smile to your erstwhile lips and perhaps gives you something over which to mull when you are not busy being busy, may very well be busyness for the sake of busyness.

It occurred to me while thinking about marketing…I mean, promoting…my book, my mind spinning feverishly like a rabid squirrel in a hamster wheel, that there is nothing to do about marketing…I mean, promoting…my book until my adorable editor is done with it. For the record, she did say she thought this was the best so far, but had scarcely started chapter two. Sigh.

Without a product, what is there to promote?…coming soon from John Reinhart, the author who is, well, uh, is kinda waiting in limbo while his editor wraps up his glorious…wait, where ya going?

BUT, there is a sequel to MARIGOLD’S END, tentatively titled PELICAN’S WAY… there’s sort of a theme here, see, where the Marigold is a ship in the first novel that gets blown up…oh, poop, I spoiled the ending…double poop, because NOW I spoiled the ending by telling you that Phineas blows it up at the end of the book…oh, triple poop! So, see, Pelican is a ship in the next book that gets…well, you’ll have to read that one.

Anyway, the rabid squirrel brains rattled out a good synopsis of that book on Tuesday. And I must say, it’s a ripping good synopsis, as synopses go. That was Tuesday.

On Wednesday, the quirky, different sort of crazy writer that I am, I sort of cracked out a terrific synopsis for my other series of books, called DROPPINGTON PLACE. For a preview of Droppington, scroll to the bottom of this page and you’ll see that I have a blog for that, too. Oh,  I’ve thought of everything.

So, while my lovely editor does everything other than edit my book, my NEW plan is to work on DROPPINGTON PLACE. And thus my hands will be busy.

But, is busyness productivity? If the words crackle and dance from your fingertips, but never get published, is that accomplishing anything?

Maybe that’s why my crazy, quirky, different friends are so fond of Disneyland.